There has been a lot written recently in cyberspace about Natural Family Planning. And there has been a lot (I mean a LOT!) of debate about its use. I read this article and the comments below it and felt an interior unrest....I mulled my thoughts over for a few days, trying to sort out what was really bothering me.
We have used NFP since after our first child was born, that is to say we know how to use NFP and have used it both to avoid and achieve pregnancies. NFP can be difficult and frustrating at times. It is a source of grace always....BUT, it is not Catholic birth control and is not to be looked at from that perspective. It is to be used to avoid a pregnancy only in serious or grave circumstances...it is NOT the default. I don't think Simcha's article implies that NFP is to be the "norm" in Catholic marriages, but the comments that follow certainly give that impression. Then I read this article by Elizabeth Foss, and found she had put my thoughts into words so much more beautifully than I could have. Some of these thoughts follow:
Early in marriage planning or in the early years of marriage, many, if not most, Catholic couples learn about Natural Family Planning. They learn that NFP can be a real blessing in helping to understand better how a woman’s body works. They learn that it is a valuable tool when trying to conceive. And they learn that it is also very effective when trying to prevent conception. Unfortunately, what they often don’t learn is that abstinence in Natural Family Planning is to be regarded as a privation. Too often, they come away with the belief that using NFP to space babies or prevent them is the default mode for a holy marriage and not the exception.
The word "privation" means 'doing without ordinary necessities'. In other words, privation is used to describe "extra-ordinary" circumstances. NFP is not the ordinary method of operation for marriage...it is a method that the Church agrees is acceptable to use in extraordinary circumstances. We may use NFP...the Church never says we must use it.
Consider these words:
In Covenanted Happiness, Msgr. Cormac Burke writes,
Spouses need to improve in life--to rise above their present worth--if they are to retain their partner's love. It is good therefore--it is essential--that each spouse sacrifices himself or herself for the other. But it is doubtful if any husband and wife, on their own, can inspire each other indefinitely to generosity and self-sacrifice. Children can and do draw from parents a degree of sacrifice to which neither parent alone could probably inspire the other. It is for the sake of their children that parents most easily rise above themselves. Parental love is the most naturally disinterested kind of love. In this way, as they sacrifice themselves for their children, each parent actually improves and becomes--in his or her partner's eyes also--truly a more loveable person. "For the sake of their children, spouses rise above themselves, and above a limited view of their own happiness. Moral stature is acquired only if one rises above oneself. Children, above all, are what spur a couple on to moral greatness." That is why family limitation is not properly described as a right and is wrongly thought of as a privilege. It is basically a privation. It is meant for exceptional cases, for those couples who are obliged by serious reasons--by some powerful and overriding factor--to deprive themselves of the fulfilling joy and the enriching value of children. A couple who, in the absence of such an overriding factor, choose not to have more children, are starving their conjugal love of its natural fruit and stunting its growth. They are lessening their mutual preparedness for sacrifice and in that way undermining the mutual esteem that can bind them together. Open-to-life sexual relations are the normal expression of married affection and alone fulfill the conjugal instinct. To encourage people, without serious reason, to abstain from such relations is to place an unnecessary and unjustified strain on the solidity of their married life. The conjugal instinct, which draws people to marry, is not a mere sexual instinct, nor is it satisfied simply through the companionship and love of a spouse. It looks to the fruit of that love. In other words, people are naturally drawn to marriage by a deep desire for fatherhood or motherhood.
How beautiful! Children help us to rise above ourselves and become more generous, compassionate and lovable people. I have had to "dig deeper" with each new child that was added to our family; thank God for it! Without my husband and children to sacrifice for, to grow for, I shudder to think about the type of person I would be today. Children are a blessing in so many, many ways.
There are definitely times when NFP is necessary in a marriage, (and only the spouses, in prayer and union with God can decide that) but without very serious reasons, it places a burden on the marriage. When confronted with serious reasons, the spouses can use NFP, offer up the sacrifice and grow in grace and love. But when used as the default mode, month after month, it can stunt the growth of marital love. Openness to life, humility and trust in our Lord expand our hearts and our love.
Here are other good articles on NFP:
http://ebeth.typepad.com/reallearning/2006/05/to_improve_ours.html
http://insidecatholic.com/Joomla/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4243&Itemid=48
http://daniellebean.com/2008/08/06/humble-and-heroic/
