The following are comments made over the mic by a flight attendant on the last leg of my recent trip to Ohio and back. It was an evening flight (landing at 10 p.m.), but I'm not sure the hour had anything to do with it.
"There will be no smoking on this flight....even for medicinal purposes"
Instructions for life vest:
"Pull the toilet seat cover over your head..."
"If the cabin of the aircraft experiences a drop in air pressure, these 'I can't believe it's not butter' cups will fall from above..."
"Free oxygen...one of the perks"
"If you are traveling with kids....we feel sorry for you, but make sure you stabilize yourself first and then attend to your child. If you are traveling with more than one child, strap the mask on the kid you love best."
"If you are afraid of the person sitting next to you, push the button with the hairy lightbulb"
"To enhance the beauty of your flight attendants, we will be dimming the lights"
After lights are dimmed, she whispers into the mic:
"You are getting sleepy...you are not thirsty....you don't want any peanuts...you don't want a pillow or blanket either....you are getting very sleepy...."
After a rough landing (I think we hit the ground at 250 mph...felt like it anyway):
"Whoa, big fella.....smooth as butter."
"Keep your tush to the cush until we come to a screeching halt or turn off the seatbelt light, whichever comes first."
"Thank you for flying Southwest Airlines. It has been a pleasure serving most of you."
"Please be careful opening the overhead compartments. Your stuff may have moved and we don't like paperwork."
Like I said, Thank Goodness she wasn't flying the plane!
